Health, Purpose, Relationships

Why It’s Important For Our Health And Safety To Say No In Order For Us To Say Yes

Every persons journey in life is different. How we are raised, what our parents teach us and the environment that we grow up in. We have different personalities and gifting’s. But one thing that is the same- we are taught to say Yes to everything early on.

Mom gives us a list of chores that she wants done by a certain time. As a teenager, we don’t get the option of saying no. And if it’s not done? Well chances are, we get hard consequences. We learn this behavior at home, school, church, and media. It’s all around us. Say yes so that you’re loved, accepted and important to people. That’s the crazy message.

On so many levels, this is so unhealthy for us. We were never meant to live a life of people pleasing. We were meant to live a life that flows from genuine love. Giving because we want to and are able to. Not giving because that’s what the other person wants, needs and expects.

People Pleasing Is Not Love

When we people please, we often live scared and in a state of feeling controlled by another. There is an unsettled spirit within us. People pleasing has the potential to do a lot of damage to us. It can build to a lot resentment, distrust and anger towards people. It can leave us feeling isolated or seeking isolation from people. We may feel our energy is depleted. In the end, we loose ourselves and our connection with friends and family.

When To Say No

When we say yes knowing full well it will cost us our integrity, needs, goals or relationships…that’s when we need to say hell No! I’ve learned over the years that saying No doesn’t require us to always have an explanation. Some people just don’t deserve it.

Have they offered the same value to you? Think about it- what have they contributed to your life lately? Have they made an effort to come visit, call or help you in some way? What love and support do they give? If you are struggling to find it, chances are they haven’t made any.

I can always tell when someone tries to put their unrealistic and controlling expectations on me. It’s forceful, manipulative and void of any kind of love and compassion. Having conversations about boundaries can be offensive to these people. They either don’t know or they don’t care about your needs, circumstances or values. And chances are- they are use to getting their own way and being the boss.

Often these people are spoiled and don’t even realize it. I’m sure you can think of a boss or family that fits in here. Having the awareness of who and what is unhealthy to say no to is a huge step into the right direction.

Say Yes To You

Invest in yourself
Picture taken in June 2020

Next step is saying yes to you by investing energy, time and money into yourself. You live with yourself everyday. For that reason alone, saying yes to what makes you safe and healthy is what matters. When we do this, the results are amazing. We turn into better people. We end up being more kind to people and giving with joy. Our relationships thrive and we become more in tune with our authentic self.

When I went through my Life Coaching Certification classes, I remember my Teacher saying something very profound. To this day- it still sticks with me. While we were talking about what amount of money to charge people for coaching, he said “we charge people a certain amount of money because we want people to invest in themselves.” What you feed your mind, body and spirit will stick with you and will determine what you become.

What Investments Are You Going To Make?

I’ve included a FREE “Invest In You” Worksheet that you can download to help you.

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Let’s start investing in ourselves this week. What investments will you make this week for yourself? As you make yourself a priority- what are you doing to do differently to help yourself? If you’re an overstressed mom- what was the last thing you did, that made you feel relaxed or empowered? Are you now thinking of it? Build that into your schedule. If that means getting up earlier than the kiddos- let’s do it.

Create space for yourself. Times are tough but you can be too. You can live lighter, smarter, and more strategic. Get what you need and give out of love what you joyfully can.

Be blessed & bless others,
Dani

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12 thoughts on “Why It’s Important For Our Health And Safety To Say No In Order For Us To Say Yes

  1. It can be a struggle to not get caught up in people-pleasing, especially when you subconsciously start to worry about disappointing someone you care about.

    But you’re definitely right! If it’s someone who matters, they would reciprocate but also understand if you can’t do it.

    Saying yes to yourself starts to saying no to what doesn’t serve you! <3 Love the post!

    ~ Larissa | Self Care, Wellness, Personal Growth
    https://www.faeryume.com/

  2. Learning to say no is definitely one of the best things I have ever done for myself, as well as saying “yes” to the right people and the right experiences. I have a lot of learning still to do though, about who and what to say no to, and who and what to say yes to. I guess I just need more time and experience to figure out exactly what’s right for me, but I’ve definitely started to take the right steps!

  3. We all struggle with no to not come across as mean, but we do disservice to ourselves when we say yes to things we do not want to engage in or with. Of course, it’s different at work lol but personal life, say yes to yourself.

  4. Saying no when needed is very important. If not, you risk wasting your time on things that don’t matter much. Worst, you could find yourself with people who are just using you for their advantage.

  5. This is such an important and powerful post. everyone should learn to say no where need be to protect themselves x

  6. I’ve not had problems with boundary setting in ordinary scenarios, but this year is when I made the connection between boundary setting and self-respect. Say no more!

  7. This is so important! I have always struggled with saying no. Something inside me feels like I need to be able to handle everything that comes my way without recognizing that I need to take care of ME as well. I have been working on prioritizing self-care throughout 2020, but this is a much-needed reminder. Thank you!

  8. So first of all, I understand where you are coming from but I wonder how this message often gets pushed way too far the other way and allows people to justify not helping. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
    Now I think maybe he is going a bit too far the opposite of you but he isnt too far off. I mean you could easily say that the Dalai Llama or Mother Teresa People Pleasers as they rarely ever told anyone NO and both are the absolute definition of LOVE.
    So I agree with you, find balance so you can give graciously and well but check your own ego and expectations at the door too. Giving doesnt always require a reward nor is expected to be reciprocated fairly ever.

  9. Life is definitely difficult for people pleasers. It’s baffling how some people equate people pleasing with love— it is NOT! I totally agree with this. If it’s not okay by you, it’s okay to say no than to say yes with pain in your heart. Great post.

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