In a world full of all sorts of filters, fantasies, and fears it’s easy to see how we struggle to genuinely love people whole heartedly. I hope you like authenticity because this post is going to be about getting to the bottom of this subject. Our experiences, how we were raised growing up, and the influencers in our lives- all make a lasting impression and mark on our lives.
Let’s start with how we were raised. The dynamics of how we were raised, influence the way we treat people and ourselves. Were you raised with one parent, no parent, both parents? Were you adopted, only child, or raised with many siblings? How about the environment your parent/no parent/ or parents raised you? What values did they teach you? Was the golden rule a discipline in the home? How about the way of interactions…mom with dad? mom with teacher or neighbor? I’m sure you can think of others that play into how we view the world around us.
Knowing someone’s background, hearing about their experiences and what influencers they have in their life, give us understanding into a persons life. This makes it easier to help, have empathy and love a person for who they are. When we take the time and energy to hear a persons vulnerability (which by the way is so incredibly honoring) we have the opportunity to love.
Influencers play a huge role in helping us to choose who we want to be and what we were made to be. Just like our parents have a say in who we are (genetics and environment) our heavenly Father has a say in who we are. He is the author and originator over all and has the capacity to help you find your truest identity. I know he’s done it for me. Nevertheless, it’s your choice in what you chose to believe and it is completely respectable either way.
I don’t know about you but when I see people overly living out of filters, fantasies and fears it breaks my heart. I break my own heart when I’ve done this and at times catch myself doing it. It means I’ve forgotten who I am and what I stand for. I’m hoping your humble self is saying “why yes I can relate.” We’ve all been there.
Why do we feel like we have to hide, change, and be perfectly someone else? No one in this entire world is perfect or like us, so expecting that is absurd. God in his perfect nature doesn’t even hold you to all of that garbage that some call standard. He’s perfect and would have every right to condemn you for your imperfect self but he doesn’t.
What does all of this look like? I’m guessing that’s what you might be thinking. Living out of filters, fantasies and fears means we are just too afraid to be ourselves because we don’t believe that we are or possess anything of value. Who wouldn’t feel that way…after all society teaches it, parents to a point demonstrate it and push for kids to perform over and beyond. Not being enough, accepted in our flaws or truly belonging comes as rejection. This makes it hard for a person to feel safe to be themselves and shuts down connection.
I’d like to dive into the 3 F’s a little further…
Filters give a false sense of who you are. Who wouldn’t be angry about someone portraying to be someone they are not? How does lying about what you look like or stand for build trust? Be yourself- whether people like it or not. You will attract the right ones.
Fantasies are a huge thing in our world. When it comes to relationships fantasy is overplayed and dramatized. In the movies we see false senses of love (which just really is desire) portrayed with sexual uncommitted relations with strangers. We fantasize in ways that are unhealthy. Glorifying sex for what how it makes us feel rather than the intimate connection we have with someone.
Fear happens when we experience painful things done to us or from us. Sometimes it’s not even a memory but a “what if” game we play in our mind. What fears are even legit? Fear can fuel you or can paralyze you. It’s your choice. You can use the pain and/or the mistreatment of others to write a story that inspires and makes a difference in someone's life. Click To Tweet
Now I’m not saying Filters, Fantasies and Fears are horrible and shouldn’t be acknowledged or even used. What I’m saying is that we need to be intentional about how we use them. If there is a positive outcome for you using them to help another while still being yourself and showing genuine love- then by all means try it.
You were created to be loved, living a purposeful life that helps care for the needs of others. Let’s get that bathing suit on, travel to an island you’ve never been to and swim in the beautiful water. Spend your life on an adventure and make sure it’s with all those you love- including you.
Be blessed & bless others,