In our lifetime we go through ups, downs and times where life is just ok. We meet people we hit it off with on the first meeting and we have people we dislike in the beginning. I have run across both.Staying out of a place of judgement can be a good practice. It can allow you to see the good in that person. It allows for possibility of something good to develop. Click To Tweet
Sometimes in the beginning people can be misunderstood and pre-judged. Our own “baggage” can cloud our judgement of a good person. Our brains are wired to protect us and so it is easy to take every little thing a person does and pre-judge it just to protect ourselves. In the end, this just sabotages our friendships and relationships. Hold to your boundaries and standards but don’t forget to be open minded and give people grace with benefit of the doubt. Ask good questions and never assume.
What value do we bring to each other?
When you first meet someone there isn’t a huge amount of investment. At least not in friendships. But maybe there should be. How and how much you give says a lot about the person you are. This can be tricky, if it’s just one person giving. But hey, at least then you will know how much or…how little you want to invest. Friendships should have a back and forth, teammate mentality. This doesn’t always work though. Sometimes people don’t have the means to give or they don’t know how to give that will benefit the other. Talking out this question may be a great starter piece. Ask them what value they have and bring to their co-workers, family and friends.
In dating relationships, it should always be the mans job to invest first. God has made men to be the lead and provider. God has wired and set man up to be this way. However this doesn’t mean that women don’t also invest. Ladies let the men set the bar for investment. If he buys dinner, say thank you and offer something else like a tip. Women don’t set yourself up to be robbed. Men feed of off a womens vulnerability…it makes them feel like a man. But a real man will never leave a women feeling plundered. He will set her up to feel valued and inspired. In return, women will follow pattern.
You are getting to know someone’s character, values and goals.
Ask good questions and remember their answers as time and days go by. Pay attention to behaviors. Behaviors will showcase what’s in a persons heart and what matters most to them. Behaviors will give you an idea of whether or not someone belongs in your life.
Are we being authentic?
Be authentic. The more authentic you can be, the more you and your relationships will progress in a healthy way. It’s scary at first, because you want to be liked. If you are being authentic and the other person isn’t liking it- that is a clear indication that the other person doesn’t belong closely tied in your life. The right people who belong in your life will accept you- flaws and all. They will have a close connection with you because of your authentic self.
If you or your friend/date/_______ aren’t being honest about who you/they are- in the long run it’s going to end bad. Think of it this way- you have a desire for an amazing job that you know you’re serious about. Just because you have a desire and are serious does not mean you have the qualifications to do the job. Likewise is true in friendships and relationships. If you can’t give and get value in that relationship or friendship then why pursue it? It’s a waste of both people’s time. Always be your authentic self.
Do we make time for the other?
It’s easy to get bogged down with life and all it’s busyness. We live in a world that is instant everything with all sorts of demands. A person that makes time for you and sticks to that time, is a keeper and belongs in your life. I can’t tell you how many times as a model that I would have photographers flake on me at the last minute. It’s so frustrating. You put tons of work, energy and time to getting ready and poof they cancel. Now I know things happen but some excuses aren’t excuses. First impressions are everything. Don’t make the mistake of someones first impression of you be that you are a flake or that your priorities are a mess.
Are we consistent?
Pay attention to words, actions and patterns. Are they consistent in what they shared with you about their goals? Are their values and character seen throughout your time spent with them?
If someone is hot one minute and then cold the next minute over and over, that will tell you- they are not consistent. A consistent person will show progress and promise in a friendship. Someone that follows through on their word every time is consistent and therefore trustworthy. Think about someone you trust most. I bet the reason you trust them most isn’t that they are just nice or give nice gifts but that they show up every time and follow through on their word.
Do our values align with one another?
Religion, politics, character, goals, and dreams…these should be similar and almost be at the same temperature. No two people are alike which is beautiful but it can also cause conflict. Although conflict isn’t all bad- we can get into a pattern of disrespect and disconnection when we don’t have the same value system. I have had friends in the past who fell away from God and as a result their values changed. Our lives are changed according to what we value and as a result, pursue.
Some goals and dreams should be separate but some should include people. Think about this when you are looking at your future of what you are wanting and needing. Does part of your dream require one or more people? and who would those people be? Be intentional about who you want or may need in your life for the goals you want to achieve.